Trust me: It’s not spring
Updated: March 29, 2012 3:42PM
Okay, it’s time for a major reality check. I’m writing this column outside on a sunny spring afternoon (no, it’s technically not spring as I’m typing…it’s actually early March…) and the temperature is a balmy 78 degrees.
I know. What’s the deal? Am I the only one who realizes that we’re not this lucky in Chicago? Has everyone in my house, pulling out summer clothes and sandals, lost their minds? Am I the only “sane” person in my family? (Technically yes, but for other reasons I won’t reveal here. That’s another column.)
My husband wants to take the covers off the patio furniture today. Stop, I say! You know we’re still gonna get snow, not to mention hurricane level winds before April is over. He’s also talking about pulling up the snow stakes along the driveway. How could he endanger our lawn like that? Doesn’t he care? Doesn’t he realize we’re not done plowing? (And is a husband being unrealistic and impulsive like this an early sign of “man-o-pause?” That’s another column, too.)
Look guys, we’ve been through waaay too many winters in Chicago not to know that all this unseasonally perfect weather is too good to be true. I say hold back. Don’t put the wool sweaters and down coats away just yet. Slow it down now. All this optimism is madness, I say.
And here I’ve kept a few extra pounds on me since Christmas juuust in case we had a long cold snap and I needed some extra insulation. So practical of me. Winter’s never catching this mom off guard, no sir.
One thing that has been especially great about the early spring and downright lack of winter is laughing at all the “snowbirds” showing off their Florida winter tans when they come back home, knowing all the while they’ve been gone, we’ve had 60 and 70 degree weather here for free. And the buzz about most of our town leaving for spring break this week? Ha! So last year. Never been a better time for a “staycation,” I say.
So what if the great weather IS here to stay? What if we can confidently sweep the evergreen needles off our front porches, plan a barbecue for Easter, and know our daffodils aren’t gonna die next week from some superfrost? What if this is some surreal global warming perk that really sticks around?
And what if by the time you’re reading this column, you’re tucked under two blankets, watching American Idol with the fireplace cranked to warm up the family room for when your husband comes shaking back in the front door having plowed five inches of snow without any markers to guide him? I don’t want to be the one to say, “I told you so.” I’ll simply say, “Welcome back to the real world, where winter doesn’t end in Chicago until a few days before graduation. If then.”
Lake Forester columnist Maria Malin can be reached at email@example.com